Are we alone in our love for Mariah Carey’s classic Christmas song “All I Want for Christmas is You”? I think not! There’s a reason it’s on repeat this time of year. Wanting someone instead of something for the holidays is both a romantic and tragic idea. Is it a sexual want? Or an emotional want? Either way, Mariah might be on to something.
So often we hear from couples that they miss their partner. These couples see each other every day, sleep in the same bed and share in their daily routine…but they feel disconnected from their partner – like something is missing or has changed. Dr. Sue Johnson, co-founder of Emotion-Focused Therapy and author of several brilliant books, uses the acronym A.R.E to illustrate the 3 things we long for in our relationships. Accessibility, Responsiveness and Engagement. When one of more of these is missing, we feel distress and conflict can sky rocket – or we begin to distance ourselves from our partners as the pain and fear of losing them can feel like too much to bear. So, when you consider “giving” the gift of yourself to your partner this holiday season, consider your emotional availability, engagement and responsiveness to your partner, for that is the true gift of relationship.
If you find yourself struggling to reconnect, let us help! Our workshops are designed to start this conversation within relationships and to provide the tools and language necessary to create change.
Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. New York: Little, Brown & Co.